Misfit
> Other titles I considered for this work were Just ignore me’, ‘Leave me alone’ and ‘It’s between me and paint’. > It was taken with Holly Birtles towards the end of a collaboration over several days during which we filmed and took still photos for the Wild Caviar video and print series. There are 4 photos of me with some of the props we used that I have retained as works in themselves. All 4 self-portraits are about my love/hate relationship with paint. They are uncomfortable but the yearning for this sort of work had been with me for years before I found the courage to do it for a camera. I knew Holly Birtles and her work from the Slade where we were in the same tutorial group. In her own practice she also seems to deal with a certain discomfort around the body juxtaposed with painted props. > The weather balloon was a prop that Holly Birtles brought to our collaboration. I found it incredibly sensual to move paint around on and loved working with it. This one blew up from sinking my nails into it and became this floppy, sad thing but still really beautiful. I just felt this need to crawl into to see it stretched over my body. To envelop myself in its womb and disappear. But it was too small and cold and uncomfortable. Seeing the photo afterwards it just looked pathetic. But failure is so important to me in my practice. I like to keep my practice close to failures because that is where my work thrills me the most.
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